Swirling in the drum

It’s 2:40am and I can’t sleep. I find my mind shifting constantly from one thought to another. I try to backtrack to find the link between them, only to allow the current thought to slip.

Two signs I gather from this – one, that my mind is rusty, and I need to sharpen it. I should be able to hold several thoughts/ideas in my mind at a time and piece them together. This is really an unhealthy sign. Two, I have not been thinking enough. If I actually did, my mind would be too exhausted to backpack all around the world at this ungodly hour.

I’ve been thinking about life as a whole, about what I could do for a living in the future, about who I could end up spending the rest of my life with… I must admit, I feel rejuvenated. A dear friend once told me that it’s alright to spend time getting lost with myself, and that such time is never gone to waste. True? Perhaps.

I think in my scenario though, the situation’s a bit different. I often find myself deeply convicted about something I need to get done – like scoring well in my studies, or writing an article or song. The first thing I always do is think; therein lies the problem.

Instead of serving as an appetiser to the main meal, my thinking feeds. I find I get satisfied so easily from thinking that I lose the hunger for getting things done.

My thoughts (or dreams?) can be filled with details like real characters, intelligent dialogue, and emotions with striking depth. On top of that, the storyline’s always more fascinating and satisfying than real life. In my mind, I am always the man of the match, the good student, and the nobel-prize-winner-to-be. In actual life, I’m struggling to not be average.

I dream too well for my own good. Shite.

As for now, I think the drum has stopped spinning. It’s time to take the clothes out for drying. Hmm, or maybe I’ll just pop a few more coins in.